Stop putting stupid shit in your webpages, or, Fuck your Web 2.0

Ok, here’s the deal, internet people. I know that everyone is totally stoked as all fuck about Web 2.0 and how you can put doodads in your sites that do all kinds of crazy shit. What a lot of you apparently don’t realize is that you’re populating the internet with functional equivalents of the HTML blink tag. All this motherfucking flash and JavaScript that does god knows what and takes up memory on my computer is unnecessary. I’m calling for a goddamn moratorium on this shit. Here are all the things your website should ever have:

1) Text.
2) Images. But not too many. Only those that are necessary.
3) The absolute minimal amount of JS to do whatever it is your site does. All these crazy popout menus and weird Flash crap and whatever else you’ve got going up in there, I’m looking at you, Salon, cut it out! I don’t need any of this nonsense to read your site!

Seriously, just because it doesn’t look as blatant as blink doesn’t mean it’s not irritating or won’t slow down everything that’s going on in my browser. If I’d had a dollar for every time I’ve gotten an “Unresponsive script” error, I would be able to buy lunch like three times this week.

Fuck you! Make it easy for me to read your shit, assholes! 

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