More Apple fuckery

Blah blah my shit does not work no one cares. Ok then.

Here’s the thing: I’m used to having to hack things to get them to work. As such, I think that package managers like apt-get have come a long, long way. Nowadays, I just don’t even think, I apt-get and forget about it. 99% of the time that just works and I am a happy camper. Sometimes there’s some weird thing that doesn’t but ever since probably Ubuntu 8.10 or so, the number of package issues I’ve had could probably be counted on one hand.

So now I am using this fancy pants MacBook Pro for work and it’s a pretty sweet machine all things considered. That said, it’s a huge pain in the ass because I want pretty emacs like what comes standard on pretty much all Linux distros and I can’t get pretty emacs. Instead I have something called Aquamacs which is ok too, I guess, but NOT THE SAME. Not the same because unlike the emacs in Linux I can’t figure out how to make this one run slime, which is a Lisp thing. That’s fine though; what’s irritating is the inability to run X applications in general. Ok, you want me to do Macports, I’ll do Macports. What’s that, Macports crashed trying to install X?! FUUUUUUCK. The existing Python that comes with the OS is weird and won’t do anything right; gotta install the images from python.org to get numpy and scipy and matplotlib to work nicely together. Also, for some reason this laptop refuses to read a perfectly cromulent disk that was burned on my home machine and reads just fine in my cheap-ass car stereo.

WHAT I AM SAYING: yeah, some things are easy in OS X, that’s cool. Some things are not so easy. Also this fucking magic mouse is a piece of shit and I want to punch whoever came up with this idea. I don’t even have colossal bear paws or anything but hey, I’m an adult male which means this tiny fucking mouse (which, by the way, is never pictured near an actual human hand to give you a sense of scale, all the pictures make it look really huge like it’s the size of a fucking house or something) is way too small for my hand. Thanks for the carpal tunnel syndrome, Apple! I should have asked for the ergonomic logitech which for some reason was like $100 at the apple store even though I bought almost the same goddamn mouse for $35 on Newegg.

And then the worst part is that you are like, ok, how do I use this thing and you read reviews of it and some dude is all like, “maybe this isn’t the greatest idea on the face of the earth,” and of course a bazillion Apple fanboys and fangirls and fangoats and fanjellyfish all jump into this thread and are like “NO YOU DO NOT UNDERSTAND,” even though this guy totally gets why this mouse sucks. Stop being so devoted to some stupid fucking company, you assholes. They’re not your fucking saviors, and they make shitty products sometimes, like this stupid fucking mouse which is too small for my hands that are apparently larger than any hand of any person at Apple development HQ.

I like that little dock in OS X though. That’s nice. Also when the Adium duck hops up and down to let you know someone IM’ed you. Adorable.

Education experts, eh?

From Nicholas Kristoff’s column today:

Some education experts, like Richard Whitmire, author of “Why Boys Fail,” argue that the success of girls has to do in part with how schools teach children. Tweaking curriculums by exposing kids to more books full of explosions might lead boys to do better in reading — and if boys continue to lag, there’ll be more of a push for boy-friendly initiatives.

Hey, I have an even better idea. Why don’t we tweak the curriculum by exposing kids to more books full of Richard Whitmire being punched in the cock for reinforcing stupid gender stereotypes.

Explosions, seriously? Fuck this Herman Melville guy, not enough shit being blown up in Moby Dick!

Quit sucking Apple’s dick

The Case against the iPad « Bottom-up

So apparently Apple has introduced some stupid thing called the iPad, which, menstruation jokes aside, seems to be some kind of wireless screen ebook reader doodad. I can’t imagine what one would want with it. Dude linked to above reviews the thing and points out how annoying it is for the device to not have normal ports (like a USB connection) as well as how it lacks multitasking and is a closed system to third party developers.

Predictably, fanboys converge on the thread to point out the benevolence of our Malusian (Is that a word? Is now!) overlords. See, the closed system is for your own good! It allows Apple to build a platform that works, as opposed to all other platforms which totally don’t (after all, have you ever heard of anyone productively using anything other than an Apple product? Didn’t think so!). And the DRM that’s built into all Apple products is so, like, not at all Apple’s fault! Also, not being able to multitask is to keep you from running a program that might wear down your battery in the background or something, I don’t know. Freedom is slavery and war is peace are about the only things missing from that comment section.

I don’t know if the iPad is any good; I suspect, given the lukewarm reviews, that the answer is no. But more importantly, the release of a nowhere-near-perfect Apple product gives us all an opportunity to watch some wonderful cognitive dissonance in action. Instead of acknowledging the shortcomings of the product as actual shortcomings (like a normal person would do), the devotees of the Cult of Jobs will jump through any hoop to rationalize why things were done the way they were. Simple motives like “trying to control the bottleneck to your device so you can make money off it” never seem to enter the conversation. Apple is never anything less than omniscient and perfectly good and therefore everything it ever does is for a good reason.

I don’t care what platform you use; use whatever the fuck works for you, seriously. But don’t, as the proverb says, piss on me and tell me that it’s raining.

You guys might want to move that somewhere else

From the what the fuck is that doing there department: among the rather mundane definitions one finds in Title 1 of the US federal code (e.g. gender terms, definitions of vehicles, etc.) one also find this gem:

Wherever, in the statutes of the United States or in the rulings, regulations, or interpretations of various administrative bureaus and agencies of the United States there appears or may appear the term “products of American fisheries” said term shall not include fresh or frozen fish fillets, fresh or frozen fish steaks, or fresh or frozen slices of fish substantially free of bone (including any of the foregoing divided into sections), produced in a foreign country or its territorial waters, in whole or in part with the use of the labor of persons who are not residents of the United States.

I have no idea why anyone thought Title 1 was the right place to put this. Is defining products of American fisheries so basic to the US Federal code that it’s gotta go to the very front of the line? Fucked if I know.